Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in the studio in Cardiff with Mr. Chris Corcoran.

Coming up on the show today ... well, as usual, we have absolutely no idea, if I'm honest. I arrived at 6 minutes to 11, and Korkey __ just __ __. Somebody, uh, amusingly, was having a tour of __ __ BBC Wales at the bottom / kind of ... general public seem to be on / BBC / where you can, uh ... you can come along / sort of, have a little tour and see the famous studios, where ... you know, __ __ __ __ BBC, uh, have worked over the years. They do the same thing in London. Quite often, I rush in for my radio show, panicking about 3 minutes before it starts, and there is, quite often, a tour, where people are going around / kind of push through / muddle past / excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, I'm live on __ air __ __ __ __ / it's a bit embarrassing / 'cause / didn't work / you've forgotten yours. Yeah. There's a barrier on the bottom. We are all clustered around the barrier, the, uh ... / all laughing / not / able to get in / my pass didn't work / which says something about our status here at the BBC. Mine doesn't work. You haven't got a pass yet / years on / I've got one / I forgot it. / Oh, you forgot it? / bad organization on my part. / and does yours work? / Yeah. / ... I'm gonna have to have a word about this. / Yeah. / I should have a pass that works, surely. / You should have a pass that works, yeah. / Mine doesn't work. It's just a face on a piece of plastic. / __ you need to, uh ... / it's never worked. / You need to / never worked once this is my routine. / never worked once? / this is / no, it doesn't work / no, it doesn't work / Uh ... hello, can you let me in?" And __ __ wait __ security guys come and let me in. ... __ every Saturday for the last seven years. / And a tour group's standing, laughing / Rhod Gilbert / he can't get in. He can't get in for his own show. / after a chat __ them __ __ I haven't got the time for chat / five minutes / you nearly panicked and __ __ jumped __ __ barriers. / I ... / did say / let__ you in. What's the matter with you? / said no / No / security ... well, they'd be all over you. You see __ how s__y and springy they are __ __ __ athletic __ __ __ __ security __ __ __ the front desk / they / all over you / would have slammed you down. / I have seen that __ / secret police guarding prince Charles / yeah, they are. I have seen that. Anyway, I, uh ... I, sort of ... / put down their doughnuts / I __ __ a bad idea 'cause / just / barrier is too high, to be honest with you.

What have you got there, Korkey? Anything in ... have you noticed anything in the papers today? / __ / __ __ __ Michael Jackson's ghost ..." Uh ... / says / accident / apparently / spoken to, uh, Lionel Richie / that's the ... uh ... front page / as / himself / ready yet / Micheal / declared an accident / by his own ghost", a court heard. / Oh yeah? / Uh ... yeah, that sounds like, uh ... that sounds like an odd one. It's not, sort of, uh / page / spoke to Lionel Richie / was Lionel Richie in court, then? / Oh, no / spoke to Lionel Richie Ex" Lionel Richie Ex? Who's / it doesn't say / Michael Jackson's ghost said to Lionel Richie Ex / that's what it says / as in, the letter 'X' ? / but it's not / says / must be "Richie's ex". __ __ __ make any sense / I think __ __ newspaper-speak, "Lionel Richie Ex" / What? What ... what do you mean? / Well, __ can't / same as normal / Look, if this ... if what this story is about is / Jack ... Michael Jackson's ghost has spoken to somebody who used to be Lionel Richie, then it's very tenuous ... innit? / Yeah. But it's not that, is it? / read / shall I? / Yeah, read it. / Michael Jackson's death has been declared an accident by his own ghost. / So far, so good. / Right? A court heard. / fine, fine. / the court heard that / believable, at this point. / Uh ... d ... debatable whether it's, sort of, you know, __ __ whole courtroom together to hear evidence from Michael Jackson's ghost / Huh huh. But nonetheless it's possible / contempt of court immediately. ... Uh ... "Jacko, 50, who died in 2009 ... / He's no longer 50, is he? / Uh? / That ... / What? The ghost / no longer / older than that / he's 54 / Yeah. / depends on / his birthday / Happy birthday, __. Uh ... / said to have told / Lionel Richie's ex, Brenda, ..." Yes, __ __ __ Lionel Richie's ex / I mean / incidentally __ came up in court / I don't know. I don't ... I don't know. It's ... it's too complicated. Maybe, uh ... / yeah, but / it says, "Full story: page 7." / have a quick s__ / talk about / flick / Huh. ... Right, OK. ... Huh ... this is ... / This is weird. / This is weird. ... Right. OK. Michael Jackson ... hey, God rest his soul. / Yeah. / one of the greatest ... king of pop. I accept that. / ... greatest musicians / one of the greatest ... / Yeah. / ... pop stars the world has ever seen / ever seen / a tragic death. Awful / Hmm. / nonetheless, this / the court / supposed to / gig / yeah / never happened / life was already tragic by that point / tragic / m__ / controversy and s__ed in ... in ... well, tragedy. / Yeah. / The court __ __ took a bizzare twist when the judge accepted evidence from the singer's ghost. / Huh ... this is ridiculous. / I think I'd say, "Can I approach the bench, your honor?" at that point. Wouldn't you? If they ... the judge / going, "Hang on a minute / I think I'd go, "Can I, uh ... you honor, / Yeah. "Objection." / Yeah, "Objection." "What's that?" "Well, he's a ghost, your honor. / objection / And? / well, we can't see him, for a start. Where is he? / yeah / yeah / challenge it / up a bible / hold it / __ __ f__, diluted p__ ... the judge rejected / unbelievable. The judge / Lionel Richie's ex, Brenda / yeah / Right? / ... It's not a very showbiz name __ __ __ __ ... Brenda Richie? / Can you imagine / you imagine / anybody out there / friend called Brenda / Brenda Richie / having coffee, and just / put / myself / in the shoes ... in __ soft, comfortable, flat-soled shoes / 48-year-old, p__-wearing house wife / yeah / call me sexist ... but / your friend Brenda / I met last night / who / in the parachute club / Where? Who? / Lionel Richie. / Oh yeah? / Yeah. / No way. What was he doing there? / after me. That's / he / danced on the ceiling / and then he came over / he said "Hello." / I said / looking for / he said, "No / you, Brenda / what / for himself / Well, apparently, he ... uh ... / Yeah? / ... he, uh ... / doesn't say / apparently, they ... they met / role play / I was back to the story. I was reading the paper. I'm back to the story. / What ... what did / he said / going out / long story short / you're going out with ... / Lionel Richie. / Lionel Richie? / me and Lionel Richie / yeah / he wrote "Lionel Richie loves Brenda" on a tree ... / Huh. / ... outside the parachute club in Cardiff. / I __ __ __ to meet him / online dating / yeah / uh ... so, / Brenda and Lionel Richie / gone out / with Brenda / and then, it's only then, ... once / split up with Brenda / Right / uh ... then Michael Jackson's ghost __ in touch / she / hell of a week / can you imagine, first of all you __ __ Lionel Richie / next thing, Lionel ... uh ... Michael Jackson's ghost on the phone / don't you, really? / you must be thinking this / normal week for me, this / should have gone to that parachute club / uh ... bluh bluh bluh ... where is it? ... So, / Brenda / me to tell me she was in communication with Michael Jackson's ghost ... / Right. / ... either through a medium or directly. / What? What? Which was it? / Uh? / you've gotta know. You've gotta / medium / there / probably / two of them got together / a fortune. / 金がかかってしょうがない / Yeah. / Why don't we / middle / come __ you / direct.

Tell us what you're doing / some text and emails / coming in. Uh ... still about dreams. ... Do you remember, three weeks ago, / person who said / wrote in and said / her husband / and, I quote, 'a gentle round of applause in his sleep'. / I do remember. / It was a very nice story, being woken up / from somebody / I like sleep / fascinated by the whole thing / still coming in, Right? So, I'm gonna read them / n't / out first / could be rubbish. "Hi Rhod and Korkey, / from / dream stories are still going, I have one." Well ... __, it's kind of v__ circle / sent one in. / Huh. / Innit? Uh, / creating his own opening / __ have. ... "When I was a kid ..." I reckon / about nine or ten ... "I had a bunk bed / showing off already. "It was positioned in my bedroom / so that the door opened against it." ... Right. Do you mean __ your room / so small that the door / mean / deliberately positioned it so that the door / odd place to put your kids' bunk bed / let's put it / door / slams against / I imagine the former. / Yeah. ... "One night, in my sleep, I somehow managed to stand up on the top bunk, jump off over the door ..." So, the door must be open / jump / land on my feet / in the doorway / Oh, my goodness me. / scaring the life out of my mom, who happened to be walking past my room __ that exact moment. I landed perfectly / stood there on the spot. / Wow. / so, like / did / did you throw your arms in the air and ... do you know what I mean / arch / click your heals together / and then martch off with your hand flapping around, waving to the crowd / Crying. / Huh, normaly, yeah. 50% of gymnastics are crying, aren't they? / um ... / all / learned imperfectly / correct yourself / when you were asleep / look a bit disappointed / but trying to hold it together, hold it together / the judges / but the judges know. They ... they saw it / they know. That's why / they know what they're doing. ... Anyway, um ... "I landed perfectly / stood there on the spot / amazing / leap / landing / going past / perfect / fast asleep / not quite understand, because, __ __ never that much distance between the door and the roof ... ceiling / how / mate, if I wasn't live on air now ... / Yeah / I would call it ... call this ... / Yeah, / ... it's impossible / you can't be nine or ten / bunk bed / probably / unless ... unless you've got the highest ceiling in the world / or you're tiny / leap up / clear the door / come / in between the gap of / frame / and then land standing up in the corridor, it's a physical impossibility / Yeah / either lying through __ teeth / yeah / or __'s got some kind of problem / that's what I would say / say / off-air during the song. ... But let's __ with it. / All right. / ... Amazing. N__. / Wow ! / what a story! You landed / spot / fast asleep / you only woke up when mom screamed. / Wow. / ... N__ says, "I've got no idea why I did it or even how I fitted through the gap" Oh, / at least you've pointed out / yourself / ridiculousness of your own pathetic story. / back / inconsistency there / "I've no idea why I did it or even / through the gap / the door / without / ceiling / everyone else was wondering why you would lie and make this story up or why your mom / even worse. / ... Anyway, thanks for getting in touch.

This is dreams again. Dreams and sleep again. "I listen to your podcast every week / hello / lovely co-presenter", it says. ... Maybe ... / Huh. / came in before the, uh, show started / Chris / listen / every week / never contacted the show before / I don't know why __ __ tells us that / big deal for people to get in touch / public / I suppose / need to realize that nobody cares. / ongoing / I thought I'd email you / OK. Listen. Just ... just do it. / Cut to the chase. / Never ... don't tell me / hey, I've just / started typing / do / 早く本題に入ってくれ。「私は今、コンピューターと呼ばれるものの前に座り、メールなるものを書かんとしています」とか前置きはいいから。 / cut / that first sentence. / It's OK to get in touch, is what you're saying / crossed / out / that first sentence / Joe / still works, shall we? / now then, doesn't that read better? / straight to the point / quicker / hello Rhod / slightly, uh, negated by the fact that / three times / 少し嫌われたな / I admit / any time / see what you've done, J__. First / correct you / see / wasted / would have been if you'd said, "Hello Rhod, I / fourth time / lovely co-presenter / when I was 13 / in a caravan with my friend Ruth. She woke up in the night to find that / arm in the air / was shouting / found him / When she / said / talk in my sleep / almost every night, as well as giggling, doing dramatic yawns and sighing, much to annoyance __ my husband / keep up the good work. ... "I love / bluh bluh bluh / cut all that / keep / much / husband / I like dramatic yawning. / I like dramatic yawning / that is a good one / __, darling. / like __. That's the only / that's the main person you associate / do you know what? / I've got an image from a dream I had / five days ago / get it out of my head / see it vividly / unusual / what is it? / have you got / here's a feature. Jot this down. / Yeah. / Jot this down / paper there? / Well, no. / jot / I pretend / on the back of that. / Yeah. / ... Jot this down / have you got any vivid scenes from / years and years and years an years ago? I've got one / vivid dream scenes / that have stayed in your head / all your life / too long / just / stayed ... from ages ago / vivid / more interesting, I think it is. / Yeah. OK. / for example / I've got two. / Yeah? / I've got two / vivid dream scenes / I'm not talking about / flying or / captain / talking / in your head from a dream / many years ago / five days ago / this is / that's not very long ago / big queue / this bloke came up / everybody / oh, heck / yeah? / and then / punched him in the face / know / condon / violence / morally / well / just thought / see / might happen / and then this bloke slid down / steps / horribly vivid / Yeah? / __ __ / That's the ... that's the first one. / OK. / draw / conclusion on this? ... That / very specific, isn't it? / conclusion / social justice / social / I don't like racism / but also, I don't condon / __ dream / yeah / OK / Michael Jackson's ghost / make / any sense / of it / then / was / phone / Uh, anyway, the second one / interesting / second / when I was a kid ... I'd say, five years old, I dreamt that a fox walked into my room / looked up at me / just looked at my face, / Yeah, / shrugged his shoulders / yeah / odd bit / walked / yellow cupboard / that is vivid in my head now / 40 years ago that happened, and it's vivid / I / remember / cupboard / Was he ... was he disappointed in you? Was he, kind of ... / I don't know / disappointed / and go / god / what did I expect, really? / more / kind of / shrug that said, A: Don't worry about it. ... Don't be scared, or something / report / me / supposed be / here / felt / kind of, like, "What?" ... you know, / what / quite confrontational? / No. No. ... just / have you never seen a fox? / 何だよ？ キツネが食器棚に入るのを見るのは初めてか？ / before / what / want / do / about / confrontational / looking at / got / quite ... you know, confrontational / I / never know / did / still there? / all the way through in there / 出てくるところは見ていない。だからいまだに、そのキツネはタンスの中にいるんじゃないかと思うんだ。 / Right. ... Right. / closet / fox / me / you / come / question / dream / your m__, innit? You know, / heard / like / what was your instant reaction? / for it / past / bin / in an urban environment / you know, what / choice of attire / gut instinct / very casual. / I used to / keep my __ shoes, but not any more.

Hi guys / says Sarah / when / our feature today, ladies and gentlemen, / Huh huh / well, one ... one / what / that was rubbish / 'cause / awful. / Hmm ... which ghost would you trust / behalf / forget that, ladies and gentlemen / Feature 2 / be / vivid dream scene / catch on / for that / I've got / instinct / why I'm here / driving seat / ghost talking to you / tell you what / vivid dream scene from ages ago. when I was / fox / little yellow cupboard I had / shrugged, looked at me / at him / at me / shoulders / as if to say, "What about it?" / fox / now then / vivid dream scene / 40 / only image / from my dreams / really vivid / one-off / dream / "Hi guys," says Sarah. / Hi. / when I was about five / 23 / about / giant robot who smashed my house to bits I still remember it very vividly / 23 / wow / 18 years / which / man with a head of a walrus / All right. / ... attacked me ... / Wow / my mom / posh / hotel / ever since. / I'm not surprised. / Weary, you know / been / ever since / I mean / honest / really / cross the road / to avoid / not much threat __ unless you're in water / I've never seen / have / looks like / never even / close to a walrus / from a distance / think / might / yeah / let's just / 20 feet below me ... __ massive fense and stuff / weary / No. There's no need / out in town / road / I'm currently revising / current year vet exams." Huh / interesting situation / sick walrus / suppose / more / you know? / No / well / vet / zoo vet / Well, true. / this is weird / vivid / 40 years ago / a fox / my bedroom / looked at me, shrugged / as if to say, "What about it?" and / about / my cupboard / never / That's it. One-off. / years ago / still / I also had a dream / a fox / this is from / my hometown / that's a bit odd / two / about fox / same town. ... "I also / dream / me / a huge open hole appeared / floor ahead of me / I was so frightened / either / jump / and maybe fall to my death / ... or just in the hole / might be shallow / know / fair point. / make / snap decision / or do I face what she describes as a feroucious fox / Oh, wow. / mine was just / all right / I had this was over 50 years ago / for a few years / more / count / I said, Meg, quite clearly ... I said / one-off vivid dream scene / although / serial dream fox / in / different / people's dreams, I agree.

Hi Rhod and Chris. I have a dream / from / dream / vivid / all your life / dream scene / when ants / tower / on my bed. / The actual / or / "a" / I imagine / small replica / /nightmare / my dad and I / watching Rainbow / kids / TV show / me to go to bed / stairs / from my room / I / back down / what's going on / room / back down to find my dad, dressed as an evil __ / the nightmare climaxed / that's an unusual word / hatched several large bees / dressed / stuff / when / years old / what a great imagination ! / job is now / good imagination / one more / last one / good / Swansea / two younger brothers / mom / gone to bed / one of them / Welsh national anthem in Welsh. ... My sister and I went / wrong / made a mistake / only to find both of them fast asleep / just finishing off singing the anthem." ... That / just amazing / fast asleep, singing / someone / singing the anthem / no. ... No no no. / she / somebody was sleep-singing / oh, oh. / one of those sleeping emails / went / only to find them, both of them / that's / turned out / __ park / as / then / rugby / never / that is / that is a good one / singing / entire national anthem / look / very vivid / about three / favorite Teddy bears / size of a house / life / outside my house / down the street / trying to eat me. The next morning, I gave the Teddy / who kept / around ten / I don't know / parents / my little brother / I / never told / evil Teddy / instead. / that was 23 years ago / really vivid / Jenny

Was it last week? Can be true? / last / what / remember / somebody in Switzerland / police / thinking of / wasn't / police / renting out / pretend-cop cars / police / rent a patrol car / looked like a police car / identical / police car / outside your house / I do remember / could / fake? pretend? / you know / replica / yeah / replica / we wondered whether / that would prevent / bring crime down / principle / deter people / we knocked that idea around a little bit / this week / I've just read toay / police / are being dotted around / this is / in Oxford / cardboard police officers / shops and garages / cut out crime / life-sized decoys / principle / stand guard / deter / criminals. ... Police bosses think that the sight of a uniformed officer / even if they're not real / be enough to do the job / so / cardboard / even then. It'll be / just / subliminal reminder of ... of ... / a / subliminal reminder / authority, of law, of / the presence of police / might / nipped in / come-back-out-type of idea / yeah / just a reminder / subliminal suggestion of the law / know / about to do is wrong / again ... again, / everywhere / again / same thing / same question / what would happen if every few yards / lot / you get / police officer / cardboard / I / we / lived together / what / only / all / in our kitchen / lived / together / Was it C3-PO? / life-sized / R2D2 / you / No. / I can't believe / in our kitchen / I remember / sometimes / me / you / he / remember / very much / he was lazy / he was lazy, but he was 3D. / remember / advertizing / do you remember / put / good sense / we / in / for a while / he was 3D / your mate, uh, G__ / he lived here for a while / yeah / moved / one / always / didn't pay rent / cardboard life-seized cutout / you remember / me, you / Clint / any / you are the most likely candidate / there for two years in the kitchen / the middle of the kitchen / in the corner / Simon C__ / where did you get it from / believe / got it from / why / give you a clue / own / answer / even / it's not a quiz / simple memory stuff / all right / problem / yes / my mamory is failing me / remember / I don't know / of / ... Unbelievable / did you get it / キミが買ったの？ / I got it. / OK. ... So, / something / you / time / associated / yeah / James Bond / no / thanks very much / take that as a compliment / Elton / that's complimentary / uh ... I can't remember. / We had a life-sized ... / massive / life-sized / three years / remember / fridge ... a fridge freezer / rubbish / didn't / did / loads / no / in the kitchen / we didn't / oven / table and chairs, life-sized prince Charles. / チャールズ皇太子の等身大の切り抜き / where did you get it from? / ... I can't remember / genuinely / remember / Where did I get it from?

if / whole show? / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

よろしければこちらもどうぞ↓

Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits エピソード・リスト